The coverage of the Jane Andrews trial by British newspapers sparked confusion regarding her role as the Duchess of York’s employee for nearly a decade. The clumsy label ‘aide and dresser’ left many questioning the necessity of such a position. After all, can Fergie not dress herself, and what assistance could a well-known weight-watcher require? It seems inappropriate to treat her as if she were a developing nation.
Americans have a clearer understanding of Ms Andrews’ job title: a celebrity personal assistant (CPA). The primary responsibility of a CPA is to assist their employer and, more importantly, to elevate their status into the realm of top-tier fame. In fact, Michael Eisner, CEO of Disney, reportedly employs six CPAs – which reflects the impressive status he enjoys in the celebrity world.
CPAs have been present in America long enough to form associations that provide support, networking, and information on vacancies and salaries. For instance, the Los Angeles Association of Celebrity Personal Assistants and New York Celebrity Assistants both offer membership for a $50 fee. Despite the six-figure salaries and living expenses provided, few vacancies exist, as they are few and far between as celebrities themselves.
Prospective CPAs are required to possess certain traits. These include youthfulness (over 21 years old, preferably), attractiveness (without overshadowing your employer’s looks), sobriety (as the celebrities tend to drink), a level head, quick thinking, resourcefulness, discretion, and a low, controlled sex drive. Additionally, a quiet demeanor, pristine appearance, unblemished driving record, and excellent telephone skills are must-haves. If, for instance, your employer demands Japanese green tea at four AM in Peoria, a CPA’s focus is unwavering in achieving that goal, accompanied by a friendly smile.
While castrated males are scarce today, it is best that a CPA remains single and emotionally independent while retaining a professional temperament. It is crucial that they maintain the confidentiality of their employers, acting as a reliable, impenetrable wall of protection against inside information that could damage celebrity reputations.
CPAs may experience glamour and behind-the-scenes experiences, but much of their daily duties resemble those of traditional house staff. Flattering one’s employer comes with the territory, and many of a CPA’s efforts are spent on managing their boss’s whims and preferences. Celebrities’ possessions and spaces require meticulous care that is frequently performed by a CPA rather than another hired hand.
Having second-hand experience of celebrity personal assistants, the author understands the importance of discretion. During his son’s tenure as a PA to Michael Stipe, the lead singer of REM, he discerned that the majority of his duties could have been achieved through a room service order, yet he enjoyed payment twice that of their author. The principal advantage had been Jack’s signature on a non-disclosure agreement, as Stipe came out on television, as queer, an event that his past and present CPAs must have known.
The CPA’s life is unique, caught between the sphere of celebrity and independent existence. While they are an essential component of their employer’s world, their presence is often undervalued and goes unnoticed. Unlike celebrities, who thrive on notoriety and constant attention, CPAs’ potential careers typically last only a year or less, and when they are let go, it can be a devastating experience. Despite the financial rewards, when replaced by the next new face, former CPAs cannot help but feel like the hired help instead of an integral part of their "family."
The 1994 film Swimming with Sharks provides a fictional close-up of the CPA life, depicting the struggles that the protagonist faces in balancing his career and dignity. A recent adaptation to the novel by Kazuo Ishiguro, a Booker Prize-winning author, would likely make for an equally compelling read as his earlier work, The Remains of the Day, which delved into the life and hours of butlers.
